A NEAR DEATH MEMORY (A DESCRIPTIVE STORY OF A MEMORY FOR NHBPM)…
The waiting room was busy as usual but it usually is. ‘Mrs M please’, she said. I stood up and went into the ‘usual’ side room for my ‘usual’ spinal injection, only this time there was nothing ‘usual’ about it.
‘Sharp scratch’, he said. Omg, that felt wrong!!!
‘I feel strange’, I said. ‘Just sit up and take some deep breaths’, he said.
The room starting spinning and I fell back onto the bed with a bang. I was struggling to breath. I couldn’t seem to get my voice out to say I was struggling to breath but I could see from their faces they knew something had gone wrong, really really wrong.
‘Please, please don’t let me die’, I try to say but my breaths are getting harder and shorter so I have to concentrate on staying alive by taking shorter breaths instead of trying to talk and gasping to breathe.
The room was filling up with people, I can hear voices all around me. A gentle voice keeps telling me that I mustn’t worry that all will be ok soon, and not to panic. But I am panicking, I am absolutely terrified that I am going to die here on this table from having a simple spinal injection. I want my husband with me ‘NOW’, but I can’t ask for him, I don’t want to die, I’m too young to die.
I can hear them saying ‘We must tube her now’, but I can also hear a kind voice again telling me ‘not to worry, that I will be fine in a minute’. The trouble is I don’t think I have a minute left to live as my breathing is so laboured now in short rasps.
Suddenly I can feel my breathing getting easier and I am aware of a lot of people around me holding my hand, and all talking and reassuring me that I will soon be feeling a lot better. I thank God for not letting me die and plead for my husband to be with me, but they are more keen to get me into the recovery room and out of the side room that I was still in.
In recovery I am told that some of the marcain had leaked into my spine and caused a type of anaphylactic reaction but I would soon be feeling a lot better. After a couple of hours on oxygen I was moved onto the ward, by which time I was becoming extremely emotional and extremely anxious about wanting to see my husband. ‘Please find him’, I asked the sister. ‘He was waiting in the waiting room for me when I went for my injection’.
Eventually after what seemed like a lifetime they find out that he was sent home after being told that they would be dealing with me for a while and to come back later that evening, but I pleaded with them to get him to come as soon as possible.
His face said it all, he looked shocked to see how awful I looked, but I was alive and that was all that mattered. It took a while, weeks then months to get over this life threatening episode. In the end I had hypnosis to help me to be able to go back to hospital for further spinal injections, without having a panic attack at the hospital door.