A NEAR DEATH MEMORY…

injection

A NEAR DEATH MEMORY (A DESCRIPTIVE STORY OF A MEMORY FOR NHBPM)…

The waiting room was busy as usual but it usually is. ‘Mrs M please’, she said. I stood up and went into the ‘usual’ side room for my ‘usual’ spinal injection, only this time there was nothing ‘usual’ about it.

‘Sharp scratch’, he said. Omg, that felt wrong!!!

‘I feel strange’, I said. ‘Just sit up and take some deep breaths’, he said.

The room starting spinning and I fell back onto the bed with a bang. I was struggling to breath. I couldn’t seem to get my voice out to say I was struggling to breath but I could see from their faces they knew something had gone wrong, really really wrong.

‘Please, please don’t let me die’, I try to say but my breaths are getting harder and shorter so I have to concentrate on staying alive by taking shorter breaths instead of trying to talk and gasping to breathe.

The room was filling up with people, I can hear voices all around me. A gentle voice keeps telling me that I mustn’t worry that all will be ok soon, and not to panic. But I am panicking, I am absolutely terrified that I am going to die here on this table from having a simple spinal injection. I want my husband with me ‘NOW’, but I can’t ask for him, I don’t want to die, I’m too young to die.

I can hear them saying ‘We must tube her now’, but I can also hear a kind voice again telling me ‘not to worry, that I will be fine in a minute’. The trouble is I don’t think I have a minute left to live as my breathing is so laboured now in short rasps.

Suddenly I can feel my breathing getting easier and I am aware of a lot of people around me holding my hand, and all talking and reassuring me that I will soon be feeling a lot better. I thank God for not letting me die and plead for my husband to be with me, but they are more keen to get me into the recovery room and out of the side room that I was still in.

In recovery I am told that some of the marcain had leaked into my spine and caused a type of anaphylactic reaction but I would soon be feeling a lot better. After a couple of hours on oxygen I was moved onto the ward, by which time I was becoming extremely emotional and extremely anxious about wanting to see my husband. ‘Please find him’, I asked the sister. ‘He was waiting in the waiting room for me when I went for my injection’.

Eventually after what seemed like a lifetime they find out that he was sent home after being told that they would be dealing with me for a while and to come back later that evening, but I pleaded with them to get him to come as soon as possible.

His face said it all, he looked shocked to see how awful I looked, but I was alive and that was all that mattered. It took a while, weeks then months to get over this life threatening episode. In the end I had hypnosis to help me to be able to go back to hospital for further spinal injections, without having a panic attack at the hospital door.

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “A NEAR DEATH MEMORY…

  1. Oh my goodness, Barbara, what an awful, frightening thing to happen. I’m not surprised it took a while to get up your courage again and I’m so glad you went for the hypotherapy.

    What is it about medical teams? I remember when I was in labour with my third child, asking and asking for my husband and the staff just wouldn’t send for him. they ‘knew better’ … he made it right at the end but by that time the worst was over, which I had really needed him for!

    I guess they don’t want to frighten our hubbies …

    Sooooooooo pleased you recovered!

    Like

    • Thanks gilly, it is something I will obviously NEVER forget but since the hypnotherapy I can put it into another box and not at the front of my mind. Had I not been able to do that I think I would have struggled to have ever had another injection again, especially a spinal one. It doesn’t worry me in the least now, I survived and that’s all that matters. 🙂

      Like

    • Oh dear sorry marika, I did write it as I felt it at the time but since the hypnotherapy I don’t break into a sweat anymore, its as if its in another box somewhere and not at the front of my memory although I can still remember it very well. As I said to gillyk, I think had I not had the hypnotherapy then I probably would not have been able to go into hospital for another injection. I go into without a hesitation and just think, I pulled through it and that’s all that matters. xx

      Like

    • I’d had an awful year that year as well after having major spinal surgery and ending up with an infection and a haematoma the size of a football which kept me in hospital for nearly three months. It was touch and go at times. Unfortunately the operation didn’t help much either. Never again, that’s my motto, but I’m here to tell the story so that’s all that matters 🙂

      Like

  2. Crikey how awful Barmac….. Was the gentle reasurring voice an actual person or was it ‘other’? I guess they thought if your husband saw you in that state he’d either freak or sue them for incompetance or something? Thank God you pulled through….. xxxx

    Like

    • It was certainly scary at the time Tom, but the hypnosis has stopped the flash backs and I can talk about it without coming out in a sweat and at the end of the day, I’m here to tell the story but I do shock myself sometimes when I still go and have the same injections !!!!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s