I’M HAVING A VENT TODAY AS I AM SICK AND TIRED OF PAIN…

When I first started this blog I used to write on a daily basis how I was feeling which always seemed to help me get through some of my worst days. Nowadays I seem to write about everything else and not about my own chronic pain.

As you can see from my last post I wrote an article on Scope about Dealing with Back Pain and have received a number of comments from people also suffering from chronic pain.  I could see that writing things down was a way of escaping the pain for a while and I hope this has helped others with the same problem.

At the moment I am going through a rough patch and so I thought maybe it would give me a boost to write it all down and get rid of some of my feelings.

Last year as some of my readers will know I had to have surgery on my elbow for a trapped ulnar nerve. The surgery was a success but I was told that a previous nerve conduction test had shown that I also had carpal tunnel syndrome. Because I had no pain in my hand I was pretty convinced it would not bother me but over the last few months the same elbow pain has come back with a vengeance and it is also giving me arm and neck pain.

It has now got to the stage where I cannot hold anything in my right hand nor open anything or even squeeze a cloth out so I guess it must be my carpel tunnel even though I am getting pain elsewhere. Because I have had two previous cervical surgeries they also think there is a possibility it could be coming from my neck so I am seeing someone in a couple of weeks. I’ve had a few comments from people saying it must be all the time on my laptop which makes me want to scream as if they think I could possibly give this up then they have no idea how much it helps me get through my bad days. At the moment I am just feeling like shouting out loud how much more pain can you throw at me.

I am back at my Dads at the moment as the plan was that he was coming back to his flat yesterday but he had another collapse and so they have kept him in hospital. He collapsed and ended up on the floor on Saturday and really hurt his back and although I felt he was safe in a hospital I began to wonder if he was safer at home.

On my way home last night after my third visit yesterday I could have cried in pain as driving was really hurting my elbow and my back was really playing up. I am shooting back to the hospital this morning in the hope of catching the Doctor who is looking after him to find out what the score is but because my pain is so bad today I am feeling extremely selfish and hope they will keep him for a few more days in the hope my pain will settle down.

Pain, as I have always said, ‘is introspective, it doesn’t give a damn about the rest of the world.’